Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Should, could and would are three words that are very simple. When used they often layer on many more emotions by the person saying them.  They are often used by many people. Unfortunately, the person using them is often relaying something that they have not done or wanted to be done but has not been done, for whatever reason.

Some examples of phrases using these words:

•          I should have done the washing up.
•          I should have spent more time with him / her.
•          He could be anything he wants.
•          I would like to go on holiday more.I would love to get a new car.

Should is a word that generally is used to describe some action or event in the past. Would and could are generally used to describe the future. Would and could are often coupled with two other words, if and or only, which then leads to dangerous territory for the speaker. For example:

•          If I had a better job, I could get a more reliable car.
•          If I had the money that he has then I would buy a new house.
•          If I had more time, I would go to gym more often.

Now that the English language lesson is over – what is the point of all this?

There is no problem with these words or using them, however, there can be a problem with using these words too often and in the wrong context. When we get depressed or down with life and the trials it does bring when often resort to woeful periods with loads of sentences with all of the above words in them. This does nothing except dig that hole deeper. It leads to a downward spiral which can be hard to break. Thus staying away from these words is a great idea. In fact, when you recognise that you are using these words and the mood is going downward, just avoiding these words can be the start of breaking the cycle. You actually do not have to use wonderfully, flowery and up beat language and sentences to break the cycle. Having said that, the biggest trick is to recognise that you are in that downward cycle, and stop it.

A big factor in the use of these words is the people you speak to. Think about the people you speak to on a regular basis. Do you get uplifted when you talk to them? Do you walk away feeling drained and exhausted with time dragging its heels? If the latter is true, try and recall the conversation. Did it contain the” shoulda, coulda woulda” type sentences? I am positive it did.

I am not saying that you must never use those words. Sentences with the words are necessary and important too. I am suggesting that you have better words to use that convey the same message in a constructive way.

   

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Emotions: Enjoy the ride!

Ups and downs. Rough patches and awesome experiences. They are all part of life and living. If you do not experience the lows - you could never enjoy the highs. They are called emotions and that is what makes life great.

A recent blog post by a popular sharks rugby supporter, after the Sharks had lost a Super 15

My South Africa by Jonathan Jansen

My South Africa is the working-class man who called from the airport to return my wallet without a cent missing. It is the white woman who put all three of her domestic worker's children through the same school that her own child attended. It is the politician in one of our rural provinces, Mpumalanga, who returned his salary to the government as a statement that standing with the poor had to be more than just a few words. It is the teacher who worked after school hours every day during the public sector strike to ensure her children did not miss out on learning. 

My South Africa is the first-year university student in Bloemfontein who took all the gifts she received for her birthday and donated them - with the permission of the givers - to a home for children in an Aids village. It is the people hurt by racist acts who find it in their hearts to publicly forgive the perpetrators. It is the group of farmers in Paarl who started a top school for the children of farm workers to ensure they got the best education possible while their parents toiled in the vineyards. It is the farmer's wife in Viljoenskroon who created an education and training centre for the wives of farm labourers so that they could gain the advanced skills required to operate accredited early-learning centers for their own and other children. 

My South Africa is that little white boy at a decent school in the Eastern Cape who decided to teach the black boys in the community to play cricket, and to fit them all out with the togs required to play the gentelman's game. It is the two black street children in Durban, caught on camera, who put their spare change in the condensed milk tin of a white beggar. It is the Johannesburg pastor who opened up his church as a place of shelter for illegal immigrants. It is the Afrikaner woman from Boksburg who nailed the white guy who shot and killed one of South Africa's greatest freedom fighters outside his home. 

My South Africa is the man who went to prison for 27 years and came out embracing his captors, thereby releasing them from their impending misery. It is the activist priest who dived into a crowd of angry people to rescue a woman from a sure necklacing. It is the former police chief who fell to his knees to wash the feet of Mamelodi women whose sons disappeared on his watch; it is the women who forgave him in his act of contrition. It is the Cape Town university psychologist who interviewed the 'Prime Evil' in Pretoria Centre and came away with emotional attachment, even empathy, for the human being who did such terrible things under apartheid.

My South Africa is the quiet, dignified, determined township mother from Langa who straightened her back during the years of oppression and decided that her struggle was to raise decent children, insist that they learn, and ensure that they not succumb to bitterness or defeat in the face of overwhelming odds. It is the two young girls who walked 20kms to school everyday, even through their matric years, and passed well enough to be accepted into university studies. It is the student who takes on three jobs, during the evenings and on weekends, to find ways of paying for his university studies. 

My South Africa is the teenager in a wheelchair who works in townships serving the poor. It is the pastor of a Kenilworth church whose parishioners were slaughtered, who visits the killers and asks them for forgiveness because he was a beneficiary of apartheid. It is the politician who resigns on conscientious grounds, giving up status and salary because of an objection in principle to a social policy of her political party. It is the young lawman who decides to dedicate his life to representing those who cannot afford to pay for legal services. 

My South Africa is not the angry, corrupt, violent country those deeds fill the front pages of newspapers and the lead-in items on the seven-o'-clock news. It is the South Africa often unseen, yet powered by the remarkable lives of ordinary people. It is the citizens who keep the country together through millions of acts of daily kindness.

Who are the angels in your life?

My tertiary education started on a different path than the one I currently run along. It started as a year in sports massage with an aim to get into Chiropractic.

I believe that angels come along in many forms. One came into my life as a chiropractor who firstly picked up my suspected marfans syndrome during a 'routine appointment' and secondly may (or may not) have had a hand in my gaining entry into Chiropractic the following year.

Another angel entered my life whilst studying at Tech. When we first met - just friends, I was still in a relationship. It came about through us both failing a course. We wrote the exam and I went to get the results. By this time I was single again. I phoned her to tell her we both passed and asked her to mugg and bean for coffee. As the classics say - the rest is history. About 3 weeks it was official that we were together, about 3 years (March 2007) later we were engaged 24 November 2007 we were married.

Angels come in various forms. The trick is to recognize them and have them influence your life in a positive way. They sometimes stay in your life but not always.

Hero to ZERO!

I have recently written a blog post about the wonderful uplifting experience we had at ABSA in Durban. We have subsequently had fantastic service from them in paying up our vehicle finance and closing that account.

On the back of this great service and as we are looking to finance another vehicle, I phoned ABSA in order to start the process. I did recall the trial and suffering that we went through in order to finance our last car but was optimistic that this time would be different because of the above happening. Well I was suitably impressed with the initial part of the conversation until she had to find the car dealer that we are interested in using to get the car. She had to search for the dealer – no problem at all.

The problem came where the phone was hung up!! That was it – the phone call over! It was now after 6pm so the call centre is closed.

I stood there in absolute shock! Needless to say I am not so fond of ABSA currently to say the least!

Have fun!

Whatever you do, you should be having fun!


It is a big statement I know but it is true. You can argue that work is not fun whilst going on holiday is! But why cant you have fun at work? At least you should not be dreading going to work.


Moving off work being fun - your hobbies and spare time should be fun! I create websites in a business I run called Steggies Place Web Hosting. Go to www.steggiesplace.com for details. This is always fun! Yes it does create some extra income but that is certainly not the only fun I have! I have created websites for various people and they have always been and continue to be great fun when creating or maintaining them.


If you are enjoying the past times you are involved in - its contagious and others want to  know what you are doing to make you so happy and love life!
This concept was slammed into my head by Sir Richard Bransons book Let's Not Screw It, Let's Just Do It that I read recently. He made his money having fun! No if he can then you can!!


Have fun!

Cheer up!

I am one of the fortunate people that enjoy my job and do not in anyway dread getting up in the morning and going to work. Sometimes , as everybody finds, it's difficult to get up but that's life and we all get through it. I am not professing to be Mr super energetic and positive all the time!


Having said this, there are obviously people who are in the awful state of the opposite of the above and hate work and every minute of it. 


There are other people who are just rude! Our local veggie shop that we frequent regularly is the prime example. Every time I go there (without fail) the cashiers are just rude and unhelpful. I have worked with people in that situation before where some people can be very rude and horrible at times but there is NEVER a reason to be rude EVER.


To those people - Please cheer up. Nothing can be so bad that you have to spread the misery to others. I understand that it's hard work to keep positive but its well worth the effort. If you are that unhappy rather leave the job and get someone who is happy to be there do it!

It was a rugby spectacle!

Although the Sharks lost, the rugby spectacle was superbly obvious at Twickenham, London yesterday. A real showing of what the southern hemisphere has to offer!

Read more.

http://www.supersport.co.za/rugby/super-rugby/news/110327/Crusaders_sound_ominous_warning

Grateful!

I would like to say a grateful thank you to all those who have visited my blog over the last month. The visits number is at 90 so far!

Thank you for coming to read it and please do come again!
Please leave comments and suggestions on how to make it better.