Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Should, could and would are three words that are very simple. When used they often layer on many more emotions by the person saying them.  They are often used by many people. Unfortunately, the person using them is often relaying something that they have not done or wanted to be done but has not been done, for whatever reason.

Some examples of phrases using these words:

•          I should have done the washing up.
•          I should have spent more time with him / her.
•          He could be anything he wants.
•          I would like to go on holiday more.I would love to get a new car.

Should is a word that generally is used to describe some action or event in the past. Would and could are generally used to describe the future. Would and could are often coupled with two other words, if and or only, which then leads to dangerous territory for the speaker. For example:

•          If I had a better job, I could get a more reliable car.
•          If I had the money that he has then I would buy a new house.
•          If I had more time, I would go to gym more often.

Now that the English language lesson is over – what is the point of all this?

There is no problem with these words or using them, however, there can be a problem with using these words too often and in the wrong context. When we get depressed or down with life and the trials it does bring when often resort to woeful periods with loads of sentences with all of the above words in them. This does nothing except dig that hole deeper. It leads to a downward spiral which can be hard to break. Thus staying away from these words is a great idea. In fact, when you recognise that you are using these words and the mood is going downward, just avoiding these words can be the start of breaking the cycle. You actually do not have to use wonderfully, flowery and up beat language and sentences to break the cycle. Having said that, the biggest trick is to recognise that you are in that downward cycle, and stop it.

A big factor in the use of these words is the people you speak to. Think about the people you speak to on a regular basis. Do you get uplifted when you talk to them? Do you walk away feeling drained and exhausted with time dragging its heels? If the latter is true, try and recall the conversation. Did it contain the” shoulda, coulda woulda” type sentences? I am positive it did.

I am not saying that you must never use those words. Sentences with the words are necessary and important too. I am suggesting that you have better words to use that convey the same message in a constructive way.

   

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